


We Miss Him Too, Mom

by SaraJaye, ThatScottishShipper



Series: Full Castleship Of Domestic Family Warms [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breakfast in Bed, Crying, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gaming, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Reunions, shiro calling keith Starlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 17:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16246631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatScottishShipper/pseuds/ThatScottishShipper
Summary: It’s been roughly a phoeb since the battle with Zarkon, and the Palakids are starting to wonder if Space Dad is gone forever. But will even their best efforts be enough to help Space Mom cope with the loss?





	1. Operation: Cheer Up Space Mom

_ The only good thing about not being able to sleep was not being alone _ , Lance thought. His head felt heavy, his eyes bleary, and he could barely focus on his cards, but his body just wouldn’t obey his brain’s command to rest already.

“It’s way past whatever passes for midnight,” Hunk sighed. “When did he leave, again?”

“Right after breakfast,” Lance sighed. “It’s like when your dad goes on a business trip and only stays overnight before he has to leave for another one.”

“Except in this case it’s  _ mom  _ who keeps going on business trips. And…” Pidge trailed off, letting the cards fall from her hand. “And that business is looking for Dad.”

Roughly a phoeb had passed since the battle with Zarkon, the day the Black Lion came back empty, and even as they tried to get as much work done as they could for the Coalition, it was getting harder and harder to pretend the big Space Dad-shaped hole wasn’t there.

And naturally, no one was taking it harder than Keith.

“He looks as empty as my mom did when they declared Dad and Matt dead,” Pidge went on. “But this time there’s no conspiracy or Iverson to blame for covering it up, because  _ no one _ knows where Shiro went. If anyone would, it’d be Black.”

“And all Black does is sit there like a statue,” Hunk murmured. “And Keith…”

Normally, Lance would be annoyed that they kept coming back to Keith, but ever since he and Shiro had gotten together, he’d warmed up more to old Mullet. Maybe it  _ was _ annoying when he and Shiro played kissy-face in the kitchen, or Keith pulled rank as “Mom,” but he’d been happier and more agreeable since then. It was clear how much he really loved Shiro, they really did remind Lance of his parents and how strong their marriage still held after all this time.

He couldn’t imagine losing his dad, or how it would hurt Mom. But the way Keith had been acting lately was a good indicator of how it would go down.

“What if Shiro’s not coming back?” Hunk asked. “I mean, I hate to say it, none of us wants to believe he’s really gone, but…”

“We may have to accept it,” came Allura’s voice. She sat down beside Lance, placing her hand on his shoulder, and he offered a weak smile. If there was anyone who could help calm his anxiety, it was her.

“I take it Number Four hasn’t returned yet?” Coran asked. “Has anyone tried to contact him since he left?”

“A few times,” Hunk sighed. “But he just told us to sit tight, he’d find Dad, don’t stay up too late, all that stuff. He’s not sleeping well, he barely eats, even when I make stuff I know he likes! And…”

“And he always looks like he wants to cry, but he’s holding it back,” Allura finished. “He’s not coping with this at all.”

“Denial,” Pidge said, “the first stage of grief.”

Lance sighed, frustrated by his own helplessness. In a short time, he had come to know these dorks as his family, right down to familial terms, which had helped to sooth his homesickness a little. Missing his Earth Family, and simple pleasures like rainfall, splashing in puddles and rainbows became an everyday reality, but his Space Family gave him the love and happiness he craved.

That gave him a personal connection to his fellow Paladins, to Allura and Coran, which is why he wanted to do everything in his power to help Keith, who was hurting, and Shiro, who was literally lost in space.

“When Mom’s in pain and Dad’s nowhere to be found, it’s up to the kids to make everything better,” Hunk said. “My dad’s still alive, but he got in a really bad accident at work once and needed surgery, and Mom was freaking out. So us kids made sure to spend lots of time with her, ask her friends to come over and keep her company.”

“The Coalition,” Coran said, “we can make sure Keith is at every meeting, have him speak on behalf of the Blade of Marmora, let other planets know that even Galra are fighting the Galra!” Pidge suddenly looked guilty.

“When Dad and Matt disappeared, I spent more time trying to blow open the conspiracy theory than helping Mom feel better. Then I disappeared…” She shook her head. “I can’t let the same thing happen with Space Mom. We’ve gotta make Keith feel better, let him know that even if we never find Shiro, he’s not alone.”

Lance decided to take the lead. “Guys, let’s do this.”

 

xxx

 

Keith was tired. He’d barely gotten a night’s rest before he left again; his head hurt, his vision was blurring, every muscle in his body ached, and he could barely focus. Red seemed to sense his discomfort, as she was turning back towards the castleship.

“Not yet,” Keith whispered. “He’s out there. We can’t come back till we find him. He’s...he’s gotta be out there.” His eyes stung, and he swallowed to fight back the threat of tears. “Shiro, you promised...that night, you swore we’d never be apart again, and you’d never break a promise. It’s just like Kerberos, right? They all thought you were dead, but...but I found you. And I’m gonna find you again.”

But after another varga, and still no sign of his lover, he was turning back towards the castleship. Deep down, a part of him was beginning to wonder if maybe this time-

_ No. No, he’s the one person who never gave up on me. I won’t give up on him _ .

Grief tore at Keith’s heart. They had barely began to share a life together, to have a family they belonged to, and Shiro disappeared. Lamenting this heartbreaking helplessness, the Red Paladin could only watch as the Lion guided him home.

A home without his Shiro.

He dug into his pack and found the gift Shiro had given him shortly before the fight with Zarkon. A beautiful crystal, shimmering silvery white.  _ Like Starlight _ , Shiro had said.  _ Keep it, and when this is over, I’ll have it made into a ring. Then we can truly begin our life together _ .

Tears blurred his vision as he clutched the crystal in his shaking hand. Nowhere was home without Shiro.

He’d barely taken off his armor and come into the castle’s lounge when he was overcome with the kids, smothering him with worried hugs and questions. He felt a pang of guilt in his heart for not being there with them more often, but being around other people was too much right now. Especially at the table during meals, where the sight of the empty seat beside him broke his heart all over again.

“Sorry I worried you guys,” he mumbled, patting each of their heads. “I’m going to go to bed, okay? I’m tired.” He ducked between Pidge and Allura and ran down the hall before anyone could stop him. Into Shiro’s room- _ their room _ , where Keith had spent the last several wonderful movements. Where he’d first made love with Shiro, unleashing the thirst and longing he’d felt for him over the past several years. Where he fell asleep in his arms every night, woke up to his smiling face in the morning.

Keith changed into his pajamas, one of Shiro’s old shirts, curled up on the bed, and forced himself to sleep before the tears fell.

  
  


Dawn broke from the nearest superstar and Keith slowly stirred, cracking open an eye. His arm was stretched out across the bed, reaching for his boyfriend before remembering the awful reality. His heart wrenched, his entire day felt wrong and he’d only just awakened.

A sudden cough caused him to turn around, rubbing his sleepy eyes, to reveal Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura and Coran at the foot of his bed.

Keith tried to hold back his heartbreak, as he sat up in bed. “Can I… help you?”

“Good morning, Keith,” Allura said, giving him a smile. “Ah, sleep well?”

Keith managed to hold back a cry of anguish. Another morning without Shiro, another night alone. What was good about it? Still, he had to remain strong for the the Paladins he considered his family, his children.

“I… slept,” Keith answered.

 

xxx

 

_ Initiating phase one of Operation: Cheer Up Mom _ , Pidge thought. She and Lance each stood at Hunk’s sides as he held out a tray and lifted the cover. The meal looked a little messy, because even if she and Lance could cook, presentation wasn’t their strong suit. The only reason Hunk had let them help this morning was for the mission.

“There’s a wide assortment of things, we didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for,” she said.

“Sorry it’s a little sloppy!” Lance added. Hunk gave him a Look, but said nothing as he turned to Keith and smiled.

“We’ve got pancakes, eggs, waffles, bacon-or whatever passes for it, anyway, something I hope tastes like Lucky Charms,” he said. “Fruit salad, space coffee...just leave what you don’t want and have it later! I bet you’re hungry, you’ve barely eaten a bite in the last-” Pidge elbowed him in the ribs, sometimes he tended to go on and on.

She watched Keith glance over the tray, and for a moment, it almost looked like he was smiling.

“You guys went to a lot of trouble.” He laughed weakly. “I hope you cleaned up the kitchen.” Pidge grinned. That sounded more like the Space Mom she knew and loved.

“You think Hunk would let us get away with not doing it? Of course we did!”

Keith lowered his head, the sight of their joint breakfast effort clearly warming his heart. “You guys…really did this for me?”

“Well, of course!” Lance said. “You’re our Space Mom. I mean, it could also be Space Mother’s Day somewhere, we kinda lost track of the date, but...oh, hell with it, today is Space Mother’s Day!” Pidge snickered.

“Or just a regular day where we love you, either or.” 

She thought she saw Keith’s shoulders hitch as he looked down, and his eyes watering as he looked back at them.

“Thanks. I mean, you didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.” Hunk’s eyes widened, surprise in his voice.

“...Of course we’d do this for you. You’re part of our family, and we’re here for you.”

Obviously touched by their kindness, Keith reddened, looking moments away from hiding under the covers. Pidge knew that before becoming a part of the Paladins, he was unaccustomed to affection and care from others with the exception of Shiro.

And they were here, giving him breakfast in bed in an attempt to cheer him up, knowing he still missed Shiro dearly. They all did, Pidge thought. Probably her most of all second to Keith.

Keith rubbed his eyes, trying to pass it off as sleep, but he was not fooling anyone. He raised his head to share a small, awkward smile with the others.

“Thanks, everyone. I can’t wait.”

 

xxx

 

There was a lot of food, and he didn’t know how much he’d be able to eat today. But his appetite was returning slowly, and he couldn’t _ not _ after all the work they’d put into it. He began to eat very slowly; for all the misshapen sloppy presentation it was delicious, he could at least count on that. It was strange how the kids in this family were the ones who could cook, where Mom only knew the most basic recipes.

“Oh, good, you like it!” Allura said.

“Yes, now eat up, you could certain stand to gain some weight!” Coran added.

They stayed in the room while he ate, watching him like hawks. Keith supposed he couldn’t blame them, with the way he’d been picking at things lately, and the last time Coran had checked their vitals he’d lost about a pound.

There was something endearing about knowing others caring about him.

He ate a little of of everything on the tray; space coffee wasn’t as good as what he was used to on Earth, but the bowl of strange, colorful shapes did taste remarkably close to Lucky Charms. He left more than half of everything, but he was decently full by the time he stopped. To his surprise, he actually felt...not  _ better, _ but less like he wanted to curl back up under the covers and cry.

“I’ll have the rest later,” he said. “It was great, guys. Thanks.”

“Aw, anytime, Mom!” Lance grinned, patting his shoulder. “So the rest of us already took our showers, brushed our teeth, and the bathroom’s spotless. Kaltenecker’s been fed, milked, groomed, and we even cleaned up the lounge.” He sounded so earnest, so much like a kid bragging about how he made his bed and finished his vegetables so Mom would give him a raise in his allowance or stay up late, Keith can’t help smiling even with tears prickling at the back of his eyes.

“Good kids,” he said. “I guess I’ll have my shower, then, maybe train a while.”

“Unless you want us to take you somewhere!” Hunk offered. “The Coalition meeting’s not for a few more days, and we’ve almost finished preparing, so if you wanna hit a swap moon or the Space Mall, or check out some asteroid…”

“Or we could play some Killbot Phantasm!” Pidge added.

“I haven’t played video games since I was a kid,” Keith said. “I probably won’t be very good.”

“Oh, I’m no good, either,” Allura piped up. “But it’s still fun!”

“I’ve tried it myself,” Coran said. “It’s a lot like Monsters and Mana, only without having to roll a dice!” Keith didn’t know what Monsters and Mana was, but spending the day playing a video game sounded like the least tiring option.

_ Shiro wouldn’t want you moping around all day _ , anyway, he told himself. Failing at a game or watching the others play would at least be a distraction.

“Killbot Phantasm it is, then.”

  
  


Hours passed and Keith, surrounded by his friends, still tapped away at the controller, battling his way through endless dungeons floors. This expansive game with its immersive world building and gameplay was just what he needed to calm his mind.

Being surrounded by his loved ones also set his heart at ease, supported by those he considered his nearest and dearest. Only one person was missing, but for now, at least he could forget his misery over the loss. It was hard to mope when you had to watch for new enemies every few minutes, or remember the button combos for special moves.

Pidge even managed to give him a few pointers, including an exclusive code that made things a whole lot easier, but took the challenge away. Keith appreciated her help, but focusing on the difficulty spikes and obstacles gave him something to take his mind off things.

At least, for a short time.

Once he defeated the Big Boss of the Floor, Pidge threw her arms around Keith, hugging him tight. “Way to go, Mom!” Followed by Hunk, and Lance, and Allura, and Coran, and then the mice.

Keith’s eyes widened momentarily, surprised by how nice it felt. He felt the love, and wrapped his arms around them, holding them close. “Heh. What am I going to do with you all?”

“We love you too, Mom,” Pidge said with a grin.

Keith ate more than he had in days that night, and thought he’d sleep better than he had in movements. But in the middle of the night, he woke up in a cold sweat from a dream of Shiro, motionless and cold on an asteroid, and the despair he’d managed to forget about came rushing back full force.


	2. Operation: Failed

The next day Keith left again right after breakfast, and he didn’t eat much. His smile had faded, and Allura could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes as he told them to behave themselves.

“What happened?” Lance groaned. “I thought yesterday went so well.”

“Well, distractions are only temporary,” Allura sighed. “Sadly, a good breakfast in bed and a day of video games isn’t the cure for losing a loved one.”

“But you’d think that’d at least put him on the road to recovery, right?” Hunk asked. “I knew I should’ve made pancakes again, he seemed to like those! And we should’ve planned something fun for today!”

“We have the Coalition dinner to prepare for, remember?” Coran said. “Guests from a few planets are arriving today, and we must prepare the Castle of the Lions’ guest quarters for them.”

“Oh, right.” Hunk sighed.

“Well, helping us prepare could’ve kept him busy,” Pidge said. Allura agreed, and she knew she’d have to remind Keith that his presence was sorely needed at the dinner the night after tomorrow. But Shiro’s absence nagged at the back of her mind as well, for reasons no one had yet to discuss.

_ We can’t form Voltron without him. The other planets don’t know he’s missing, and they’re counting on Voltron to protect them. _

Logically, she knew it was time for one of them to step up and take his place. But where would they find another Paladin like Shiro? And if that person was among their group, then who would pilot  _ their  _ Lion?

“He promised to be back earlier this time. When he returns, we’ll begin phase two of our plan, and distract him so much he won’t even think about leaving again.” She knew she sounded cold, and she certainly didn’t mean to imply she didn’t miss Shiro, either, but too many people were depending on them, and the end of Zarkon didn’t necessarily mean the end of the Galra. Remnants were still lurking out there, and any one of them could try to salvage what remained of the empire.

Sadly, that was easier said than done because upon Keith’s return, it was obvious he was still heartbroken without Shiro. The emptiness in his eyes was a haunting reminder of how painful the loss of a loved one was, his trembling hands still clutching the special rock that would have one day been carved into commitment rings.

For a split second, Allura imagined Lance disappearing in such a way, and her heart twisted. While they were far from lovers, her feelings towards him had shifted recently, seeing the good person he was underneath the bravado and flirting. And sometimes, she wondered if they would ever have what Shiro and Keith did.

“Hey, Mom, you’re back in time for dinner, is there anything you-” Hunk asked breaking Allura’s train of thought. Keith just shook his head.

“I’m not hungry. I’m going to bed early tonight.” Allura could swear she heard his voice tremble, but he turned around and walked down the hall before anyone could say anything. The mice, who’d been watching from the counter, suddenly dashed off after him.

Allura and the others watched mournfully as Keith departed down the corridor, knowing they were losing him. His grief was contagious, spreading throughout the Castle of Lions, and latching onto the other Paladins.

They loved Keith too much to watch him waste away from a broken heart. Hunk and Coran looked close to tears themselves, and Pidge looked guilty, as though she’d failed somehow. Finally, Lance clenched his fist and gave them a determined look.

“Leave it with me. I can handle this.”

 

xxx

 

The Blue Paladin slowly knocked on the door, and for a moment he heard scrambling noises, possibly a sniffle.

“It’s open.”

Keith was wearing Shiro’s shirt again, Lance noticed, and the mice were sitting on his chest as he leaned against his pillow. His eyes were red, almost like he’d been crying.

“Hey, man-er, Mom.” He sat down gingerly at the foot of the bed. “So you had another bad day, huh? Listen, it’ll be fine, tomorrow we’ll play some more Killbot Phantasm, and-”

“Lance, please.” Keith shook his head. “I just want to be alone right now, okay? I need to map out where I’m gonna look tomorrow, maybe check some of the first places I looked in case I missed him, or he ended up there in the last few days.”

“Maybe it’s time to stop looking,” Lance said, immediately wishing he’d said it differently when Keith’s expression went from melancholy to horrified. “Wait, hear me out! I mean, maybe...maybe _ he’s l _ ooking for  _ us _ , and you two just keep missing each other?”

“If that were the case, I’d have found him already,” Keith snapped. “Your father’s the one person who never gave up on me, and he’d never give up on any of us. If one of you kids went missing he wouldn’t even come back until he found you and brought you home again!” Lance flinched, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. The truth was he was no good at comforting grieving people, mainly because the only person in his family who’d ever died was his grandpa when he was still a kid. And Grandpa had been  _ old _ , so it wasn’t like a major tragedy.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “But listen-”

“I can’t stop searching.”

“Then take one of us along with you? We wanna find him too, you know.”

“You kids need your rest, and it could get dangerous out there. I don’t want any of you getting hurt.” Keith sighed, petting one of the mice. “Please. I-I just need to be alone, okay?”

He looked so lost, so broken, and Lance hated that there was nothing he could say or do. Maybe he wasn’t the right person for this.

“All right.” Not wanting to displace the mice, he opted to pat Keith on the shoulder rather than hugging him, and quietly left the room.

 

xxx

 

The mice were a small comfort, if only because they didn’t talk. They just sat there, nosing at him, letting him stroke their heads. Keith offered them a weak smile.

“Maybe I was too hard on him,” he sighed. “I mean, they’re my friends, they’re just trying to help. And I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad forever, but every time I think I might be okay, it hits me again, and the more I look, the less signs I see of him still being out there.” He looked down at the crystal he still held, blinking away tears. “And every time we’re all in the same room together there’s that big empty space, and it hurts.”

He slipped the crystal under his pillow, and Platt leapt into his empty hand, nose twitching sympathetically. Keith stroked his soft fur, wishing they were big enough to give hugs. Instead, he settled for opening his hand to all of them, cradling them to his chest.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. “I never had any pets growing up, but people always say dogs and cats make you feel better after a bad day. I guess it’s the same thing with mice.” Plachu and Chulatt squeaked in understanding, while Chuchelle lifted a tiny paw to pet his cheek. Keith couldn’t help laughing a bit at that. “Guess you four are gonna be staying the night, then.”

Sleep didn’t come easy for him, and eventually the mice had to get their rest. Keith folded his jacket into a makeshift bed for them, getting them settled at the foot of his own, curled up, and buried his face in his pillow. Shiro’s scent was beginning to fade from their bedding and from the shirt he wore.

How long would be be until he was gone from everything but Keith’s own memory?

 

xxx

 

The day of the Coalition Meeting had arrived and everyone was nervous. Princess Allura, along with Coran, prayed for diplomatic agreements across the board to ensure the success of their mission, and the Paladins found themselves in a political climate they were unaccustomed to.

Though Hunk was surprisingly adept at connecting with other species, with great heart and a talent for putting folks at ease, he too felt out of his comfort zone in a serious setting meant to assure allies in the coming conflict.

The Paladins could only sit at the table with Ambassadors from beyond the stars and hope for the best. And things did proceed without too many problems at first.

That is until someone mentioned Voltron and one Paladin too little in attendance. Naturally, Keith blew up, demanding that their guests do their part too and stop relying on Voltron to fix everything.

Like his heart relied on Shiro.

He stormed off, leaving Hunk to try and smooth things over with the Ambassadors with offers of Earthling delicacy.

A few of their guests did not look impressed, some even fearful.

“So  _ he’s  _ the bridge between the Coalition and the Galra?”

“What an angry young Earthling.”

“So Voltron is no more?”

“Do you not see?” a soft, female voice piped up. “The lost paladin is his mate. I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. He’s not angry so much as he is in pain.” Hunk nodded sadly.

“Shiro was his whole world. All of us were like, one big family,” he said. “And it’s just not the same without Space Dad here.” Suddenly, the Ambassadors and other guests were sympathetic, offering advice.

“Perhaps the cure for such loneliness is another mate!” one said. “The Red Paladin is a handsome young man, anyone would be pleased to call him theirs.” Hunk exchanged a panicked glance with his “siblings” and the princess.

“You mean blind dates?” Pidge groaned. “One of Mom’s friends started trying to set her up with other guys _ six months  _ after Dad disappeared, and that just made it worse. And Mom’s only got half the temper Keith does.”

“Yeah,” Lance piped in, crossing his arms with a thoughtful look on his face. “I mean, normally I’d be all for playing matchmaker, but I don’t think he could ever love anyone else the way…” He trailed off, sighing. “...Mom loved Dad.”

“Nonsense!” said the female alien from before. “Please, leave it to me, I promise, your friend will feel better in no time!” And she was off like a shot before anyone could stop her. Hunk groaned. He could tell the girl meant well, her heart truly went out to Keith, but there was no way this wasn’t going to end in disaster.

 

xxx

 

Keith pressed his back against the wall outside his room, breathing deeply, trying to regain the calm front he’d been trying so hard to keep up for the meeting. How humiliating, not only had he blown up in front of all those people, but he’d probably ruined everything Allura had been working so hard for. He owed her and all those guests an apology.

“Red Paladin, sir!”

“Hm?” He looked to his left to see a young female alien, possibly the daughter of an Ambassador. “Can I help you?”

“I sense your heartache,” she said, and Keith reddened.

“Oh...look, about that, I-”

“There’s no shame,” she cut him off gently, “you miss your mate dearly, it’s evident in your face and the way you spoke his name.” Keith bit his lip. He knew other races could be especially attuned to people’s emotions, more than humans, but had she read his mind?

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I do.”

“Well, perhaps it may be a bit premature, but...surely, he would not want you to suffer in loneliness,” the girl continued. “And among my people, we have a custom for those who have suffered loss. An excess of grief poisons the heart.”

“Guess I’m a poison factory, then,” Keith sighed. “So what are you going for, here?”

He immediately wished he’d kept his mouth shut when a tall, burly male of her species approached, offering a hand.

“Sir, I am told you have a certain...type. It would be an honor to spend the rest of the evening by your side, and perhaps showing you a night on my planet?” His smile was friendly, but the very offer made something in Keith break. Not even bothering to say no, he turned on his heel and stormed to the lounge where his family sat.

“You’ve gone too far.”

 

xxx

 

Pidge’s stomach froze, and everyone else shared the same  _ oh crap _ look she knew she had right now. She’d never seen Keith look this angry outside of battle...no, not anger. She had a feeling his outburst at the dinner table had just been a preview.

“A blind date?!” he shouted. “Which one of you put her up to it? Come on, fess up, otherwise you’re all grounded for a movement!”

“None of us!” Hunk said, holding up his hands defensively. “It was her idea, hers alone, we all tried to stop her!”

“We told her this would happen!” Lance added. Keith shook his head.

“Even if you kids had nothing to do with it, you let it happen!” he yelled. “Look, I know what you’ve been doing the past few days and I’m fine with it, but-but you-” Pidge saw his eye twitch, his fists clench, and heard his voice begin to crack. “I-”

“Look, no one said you had to  _ sleep _ with the guy, right?” Lance said. “You wouldn’t have to call it a date, just...have fun with someone outside the family?”

“ _ You don’t get it! _ ” Keith cried. “This isn’t just moving on after a breakup! Shiro is  _ gone _ ! The love of my life is gone, and spending even one night with someone else is like-like a mockery of his memory, of everything we shared! This isn’t just some-” His breath hitched. “He’s...he’s still…”

_ He’s still my Shiro, my heart... _

And suddenly he stormed off, again, towards his and Shiro’s room. By now, Pidge felt like she might start crying herself. After all, she still missed her brother and her father, and of course, her mother back on Earth. She understood absence all too well.

“This isn’t about some well-meaning girl trying to help,” she sighed. “It’s all catching up to him.”

“He’s tried so hard to stay strong for all of us,” Allura said quietly, holding her hand over her heart. “I wonder if we put our little plan into action too late.”

“Maybe,” Lance said. “So now what? It’s gonna take more than video games and breakfast in bed to fix this.”

“Then maybe we should stop trying to fix it,” Hunk said. “He needs to let it out, and he needs us to understand.” Pidge offered a small smile. Once again, Hunk was proving to be the heart they needed most of all.

And that was exactly what Keith needed.   
  


 

When they reached Shiro’s room, Pidge could hear crying, and when she opened the door, the sight just about broke her heart. Keith lay curled up under the covers, in Shiro’s shirt, face buried in the pillow as he let out movements’ worth of repressed tears. Pidge immediately sat down beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“We miss him, too.”

The trembling form beneath the bed sheets sniffed, humiliated by his audience, but unable to control his heartbreak. He curled into a ball, lamenting over the absence of his love, and how empty their bed felt without him.

Keith finally spoke, his voice raw with emotion.

 

xxx

 

“He’s gone. I can’t find him, he hasn’t found us...he’s...he’s really…”

It was the one thing he couldn’t bring himself to say, because if he did, it would be the truth. No matter how much he refused to give up on Shiro, no matter how determined he was, tonight had been a harsh dose of reality. An awakening to the fact that maybe this time, he’d truly lost Shiro for good.

“I know, Mom,” Hunk was saying, the rest of the kids and Allura joining him and Pidge on the bed. “We didn’t want to believe it, either. No one wanted to lose Dad, he’s our hero.”

“He was the best pilot the Garrison ever had, and the best leader Voltron could ask for,” Lance murmured.

“We all loved him,” Allura said, and Keith flinched. Every word was another nail in Shiro’s coffin, more of reality settling in. All he had left was the space crystal, Shiro’s shirt, their bed, the memories. How long would it be until he forgot how Shiro smelled, the sound of his voice?

But when he looked up and he saw the tears in the kids’ eyes, another harsh reality struck him: They were grieving, too, and he’d been too wrapped up in his own pain to talk to them. They’d pushed aside their own hurt to help him, when it should have been the other way around.

Shiro was gone. The kids and Allura needed him, the Coalition needed him. But he was tired of being strong, tired of fighting it.

“I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’ve been so selfish. I didn’t even think about how you might be hurting, too. Always leaving to look for him, shutting you out…I’m so sorry. I’ve been a terrible Space Mom.”

“Don’t say that!” Pidge hugged him, sniffling. “You two were just like my parents, you loved each other like nothing else. And seeing how much you did...it made me miss mine a little less.” The words made Keith feel even worse, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her. Pidge, the girl who was still looking for her own family, missing her dad and her brother so much, but had she even had time to think about them lately?

Had any of them had time to think about their families, with all the energy they’d been putting into taking care of him?

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.” Lance put a hand on his back. “Listen, trying to be here for you...maybe that’s what we needed to keep from being depressed ourselves. I mean, we’re a team, and if we’re all mourning we’re useless, right?”

“Yeah! Helping you kept us from breaking down,” Hunk added.

“It’s in caring for someone else that you help yourself at times,” Coran added, after having been uncharacteristically silent all the while.

“And we still want to,” Allura said. “If there is anything you need from us, anything at all, please speak up.”

Surrounded by his kids and the girl next door plus her dad, knowing they shared his pain, somehow that made him feel more at ease than anything had since Shiro disappeared. Keith offered a teary smile, motioning the others to come closer.

“Cry with me, then. All of you, just...let it out. We can miss him together.”

That was all the invitation they needed, as Hunk, Pidge, Lance, Allura, Coran and even the mice clambered over the bed and pulled their sole parent into a warm hug. They wanted to let Keith know he was never alone, that they were always there for him, with all the love and support they could give.

Burying his face against Hunk, Keith cried softly, surrounded by the loving arms of his family, who cried with him. Pidge sniffed, occasionally removing her spectacles to rub her wet eyes. Lance himself teared up, turning to Allura, who shared with him a sympathetic gaze. Coran shielded his shimmering eyes, and Hunk - precious Hunk - was a blubbering mess, sobbing “it’ll be okay, Mom” over and over again.

Even the Space Mice wiped their eyes with their own tails.

He was exhausted when the tears finally stopped, but he felt lighter.  _ You’re not alone _ , Shiro and the others had often told him, they were a family. They would always be a family, even if they never found Shiro.

Thinking of that hurt, but the pain would be more bearable knowing the others felt it as he did. And they’d get through it together.


	3. Coda: Found

He found him.

After what felt like an eternity, drifting in the endless expanse of space, Shiro found him. The Black Lion drew closer and he knew that someone he loved dearly was inside. He cracked a weak smile, the stars reflected on his space helmet.

Finally. The Red Paladin had come for him.

_ His  _ Keith had come for him.

A sigh of relief passed his dry lips. “ _ My _ Keith…”

Suddenly, everything went black in Shiro’s world. Once consciousness returned to him, he was in a bed, but he was not alone. Keith was there, embracing him with an almost desperate affection, and from the shake of his shoulders it was obvious he was trying not to cry.

“You’re back,” Keith whispered, “it’s really you. I was afraid I was dreaming, but you’re so warm, you’re really here.” Keith pulled back just enough to show him the crystal. “Somehow, I knew I’d find you again.”

“My biggest fear was that I would die out there without seeing you,” Shiro murmured. Even with his memories a blur after escaping the Galra a second time, his family had remained at the forefront of his mind, especially his fiancé. “Keith, my starlight…” He closed their hands over the shimmering rock, and they kissed, deeply and tenderly.

How Keith and Shiro had longed for this, to be in each other’s arms once more. For Keith, it was as if his heart had healed after being shattered, broken by loneliness. And for Shiro, he had found what he had longed for during his absence in space, his purpose.

“I love you,” Keith whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “So much.”

“I love you too, Starlight.” Shiro brushed away the tears sliding down Keith’s cheeks. “I’ll never leave you again, I promise.”

“I know.” Keith buried his face in his chest, sniffling.  _ I’m home _ , Shiro thought as he buried his face against Keith’s hair.

Exhaustion settled over them like a blanket, and they drifted off to sleep in their embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> Another heartwarming entry in the Palafamily saga, this one takes place during Shiro's absence following his disappearance in S3. You have to wonder how badly it affected Keith and the other Paladins, losing a part of their family. We also wanted to explore the efforts of the Paladins trying to cheer up Keith in the ways they know how, and bonding over the loss of Shiro. They would all be suffering, lost in space, away from their own families, and now mourning the loss of one of their own.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading it and we hope you enjoyed reading it. <3


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